“Hey Grandma, did you know that Mummy let’s us have McDonald’s all the time? For breakfasts, lunch AND dinners!”
One loaded statement made from a mischievous six-year-old has led to a sit-down family intervention and my consequential misery.
You see, I’ve been banned from being in close vicinity of any McDonald’s franchise. I cannot use UberEats, Deliveroo or get a taxi to deliver any food from said establishment for a WHOLE month. It seems a bit much. It’s not like I have a problem or anything. Just because I like to eat a Big Mac and fries on many an occasion, doesn’t mean I have an addiction, right?
So to prove to my unnecessarily overly concerned family members that I am not part of a McDonald’s customer loyalty program and I CAN stop, I agreed to their ridiculous terms.
Day One: Precontemplation
I’m banned. A WHOLE month.
No delicious Big Mac sauce will smear my upper lip. No fulfilling carb-load of fries to warm my belly. No feeling of cold soft serve will tickle my taste buds.
It’s ridiculous, utterly ridiculous! We all have favourite foods. What’s the point of living if you can’t enjoy a Big Mac once in a while?!
I feel such a deep longing; a profound yearning for McDonald’s. I miss smelling, touching and eating it. I feel terribly unsatisfied. Is this normal?
Week One: Contemplation
Hmm… I wonder if there is any truth to this whole addiction thing. Maybe not addiction per se, maybe just a habit. Nope, that word doesn’t sit well with me. Maybe overindulgence. Yes, that’s the word I’m looking for, overindulgence. Is it such a bad word?
I guess I COULD be choosing healthier food options. I DO have the kids to consider. I SHOULD be modelling good eating behaviour. I am a parent and that does come with responsibilities.
Gosh, I still want to stuff my face with McDonald’s. Why do I do that? I don’t really know. Do I have a problem?
Week Two: Preparation
Okay! Okay! … I admit it. I have a problem. I have a McDonald’s affliction. I have a Big Mac and fries obsession. There, I said it. I bet everyone is pleased with themselves.
I have a plan. I will avoid triggers that bring me to my knees. I will uninstall UberEats app. I will bypass all roads that lead within sniffing range of a McDonald’s franchise. I shall choose healthier take-away options. I shall remember to think of the kids and their health every time I feel the desire for a drive-thru. I will eat kale and like it! Maybe.
I am committed. Well, at least for the moment. I don’t want to get ahead of myself here.
Week Three: Action
I’ve discovered that it’s damn near impossible to avoid a McDonald’s franchise. They are everywhere, like a fruit fly infestation! Practically every route has a road that leads to nirvana. I suspect Siri has got it in for me.
Every time we are in a food court, I find myself unconsciously drawn to the powerful smell and only awaken from my trance when one of the kids tugs at my arm.
Many salads have been the victim of my frenzied stabbing. I’m cranky and prone to snappiness.
I’m withdrawing HARD. Will it get easier?
Week Four: Maintenance and Recovery
Have I been successful in avoiding triggers and temptations? Yes.
Have I broken the habit? Not yet. I still feel the temptation to stuff my face until I pass out from carb overload.
I think I’ll need ongoing support from family and friends to remind me that ‘I CAN DO THIS!’
Apparently, joining a community support program to reinforce recovery goals can be helpful.
Maybe I’ll look into joining McDonald’s Anonymous. I can’t be the only one with a penchant for Big Macs.
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