Hello everyone! I’m probably going to be offline for a bit. I’ve resumed my studies to become an adult educator and have probably taken on more than I can chew.
Studying as an adult is not as easy as people make it out. Sure, you’re supposed to know how to study more efficiently and be better with time management, but in reality, it’s much harder with all the added responsibilities of being a parent and having family commitments.
I have to find a place to take me as a student teacher and volunteer 200 hours over the next few months. This equates to about 3 days of non-paid work that will have to fit around school pickups and drop offs. As a result, I’ll have to find additional childcare for my four-year-old son to fulfil this hurdle requirement, which is fine. But you’d think the University would give a non-teaching background student with no industry contacts a bit of bloody support in finding a placement!
I haven’t been successful in securing a placement and I have no idea how I’ll do the hours. And no one from the University seems to want to respond to calls or emails.
Anyway, I’m ranting because I’m annoyed and anxious and angry. It has me wondering if I’ve made the right decision with this particular course.
Out of all the things I could have chosen to do for a midlife crisis, I just had to pick a bloody difficult one – changing professional careers. I should have just stuck to Botox instead. Certainly would have been easier and less costly!
Sorry, I’m still ranting. Point is, I’ll be absent with posts until I get my shit sorted. Unlike the hernia that I’ve developed, this hiatus should be short lived.
The threadbare vessel
Struggles to contain
The surging emotions
Bulging and pulsating
Of anger and despair
Battle after battle
Against dark tendrils
That seeps and weaves
Overwhelming in its power
Suffocating in its hold
Threatening to consume
Wanting to destroy
Coaxing the ugly
Whisperings of shame
Swallowing silent screams
I fight these demons
That plagues my mind
And taints my soul
Alone in my quest
I pray for redemption
Copyright © 2021, KN J Tales and Snippets. All rights reserved.
My mental health took a big hit during the start of the COVID pandemic. My anxiety was at an all time high and I was on the verge of spiralling into depression. I wrote this during those dark days when I was overwhelmed with fear and struggling with tough lockdowns. I’m in a better place now so please don’t worry about me.
This poem has been in my drafts for a long time because I was scared of revealing a vulnerable piece of me. But to the hell with it, this is me.
What a year 2020 has been! I’m well and truly ready to say goodbye to this hellish year. No doubt a common sentiment among us all.
Our family has survived two lockdowns, two terms of remote school learning, toilet paper shortages and experienced a roller coaster of emotions.
My four-year-old son has lost a year of socialisation from kinder and is exhibiting antisocial behaviour. On reflection, I probably spent a disproportionate time with my daughter on her remote school learning and neglected my son. I feel an overwhelming sense of mother’s guilt over this.
My eight-year-old daughter, like all of us, has developed some unhealthy eating habits and become a mini couch potato. She might also be addicted to screen time.
My husband has dark bags under his eyes and lives with constant stress. He doesn’t say anything but I know the lockdowns have affected his mental health. It’s not easy working from home and having a four-year-old interrupt meetings and being loud in the background.
As for me, I’ve had some tough moments. My anxiety peaked at the beginning of the pandemic but seems under control now. I started career transitioning from pharmacy to education but had to defer until next year.
Overall, while we have been impacted in some way by the pandemic, I can’t really complain. We don’t know anyone who has been affected by the virus itself. We haven’t lost jobs or our home as a result of the pandemic. We can afford food and pay our bills.
When so many others haven’t been as fortunate, it’s easy for me to keep perspective. While our family faces some challenges, they aren’t insurmountable. As a family, we will deal with it together next year.
I will be off social media and won’t be posting for a few weeks. Look forward to catching up on everyone’s posts in 2021!
I wish you and your loved ones a wonderful holiday season.