BLOG BREAK

Hi everyone, I thought I’d better to a quick post to inform you of what’s been happening and why I’ve been blog silent!

Last week, the husband and children did a 6 hour road trip to visit the grandparents while I stayed home to attend face-to-face classes for one of my courses. I had 4 nights to myself and I have to admit that it was like a holiday without a husband and children. I got to eat whatever I wanted and whenever I wanted. I could throw my dirty clothes on the bathroom floor without worrying about being a good role model. I binged on chips, ice cream and takeaway. I went out to the movies and had dinners with girlfriends. I slept in! It was so nice being alone for a few days. But I did miss them and it felt weird not having any responsibilities. It was also strange not having a body to warm my cold feet at night.

A day after returning from the road trip, my 4 year old son threw a tantrum when I made him have quiet time and said no to screen time. He screamed “I know you don’t love me and you wish I wasn’t never born and that’s why you don’t let me do anything and I can’t watch tv.” Heavy, right? How the hell do you respond to that?! I tried giving him a cuddle to calm him down. Eventually, I asked if he wanted a bath and that stopped the tantrum and tears. We had a chat afterwards about how hurtful his words were. I’ll admit his tantrum had me wishing for an extended holiday.

Anyhow, other than being bogged down with studies and family commitments, I don’t really have a moment to spare. So this post is just to let you know that I’ll probably be absent from social media and blogging for a while. Until I post again, keep well and happy folks!

THE DARK BATTLE

The threadbare vessel
Struggles to contain
The surging emotions
Bulging and pulsating
Of anger and despair

Battle after battle
Against dark tendrils
That seeps and weaves
Overwhelming in its power
Suffocating in its hold

Threatening to consume
Wanting to destroy
Coaxing the ugly
Whisperings of shame
Swallowing silent screams

I fight these demons
That plagues my mind
And taints my soul
Alone in my quest
I pray for redemption

Copyright © 2021, KN J Tales and Snippets. All rights reserved.


My mental health took a big hit during the start of the COVID pandemic. My anxiety was at an all time high and I was on the verge of spiralling into depression. I wrote this during those dark days when I was overwhelmed with fear and struggling with tough lockdowns. I’m in a better place now so please don’t worry about me.

This poem has been in my drafts for a long time because I was scared of revealing a vulnerable piece of me. But to the hell with it, this is me.

https://knj.home.blog/privacy-policy/

I ENTERED A WRITING COMPETITION

A couple of weeks ago, I came across a tweet from SBS Voices inviting budding writers to submit their stories about growing up in a diverse Australia. There is a prize pool of $10,000 by writing a first person memoir of 1000-2000 words. Seeing that most of my blog posts are first person and memoir-ish in nature AND I grew up in Australia, I thought I’d give it a crack.

My first attempt turned into a scene from my childhood that had no real point to the story. I tossed that in the “Use as blog post if desperate” folder.

My second attempt also ended up as a scene from my childhood and it was just sad to read. I tossed that in the “Woe is me” folder. Otherwise known as the bin.

A seed of an idea crossed my mind, and I decided to call my parents to get clarity on some of the information.

“SBS? No. No. No. I don’t want anyone knowing about our past!” My mum didn’t want me to enter the competition. To be fair, she is afraid of her own shadow so her reaction wasn’t surprising.

“Why? Your childhood isn’t anything special!” My dad must have poor memory if he thinks our life was normal. It may not have been special or even unique but to me, it was worth writing about.

Anyway, with no help from my parents, I went back to the drawing board. I discovered that writing memoirs are not easy. I didn’t want to write a “This is my life” spiel, and I didn’t want to overwhelm the reader with negativity and sadness. I wanted to write a story about my life in a way that was raw, honest and uplifting.

I ended up twiddling my thumbs and staring at a blank screen for some time. I didn’t know where to begin. I didn’t know what I wanted to say. My mind was a jumbled mess of ideas that I struggled to organise in a coherent way. There were many events, factors and people who influenced my childhood and the person that I have become.

In the end, I decided to focus on my parent’s refugee experience and how their trauma of displacement and lack of social connection shaped who they became and how that influenced their parenting style. I wrote my experiences living with an angry dad and a broken mum. I wrote about moving from home and finding my sense of cultural identity and belonging. Interspersed among the heavy revelations were humorous glimpses of my past. It was a cathartic writing experience.

I submitted the memoir today. I don’t expect to win but if I did, I hope my parents will be proud.

If you want to check out the competition, here is the link. You still have a few days to get your writing in.

Copyright © 2020, KN J Tales and Snippets. All rights reserved.

https://knj.home.blog/privacy-policy/