DEALING WITH FEAR OF FAILURE

Violence is never the way but sometimes I want to throttle my husband for his unwavering ‘look on the bright side’ attitude at life’s setbacks and disappointments. Sometimes I just wanna wallow in self-pity, you know? Like throw myself one big pity party where I can mooch around in my comfy pyjamas and eat a ton of salted caramel ice-cream. Maybe while watching trashy reality TV so I can laugh at those poor suckers and their life choices. You know, the usual way people deal with these things. But my husband’s eternal optimism and blunt honesty has a way of making me feel guilty for wasting energy on emotional angst and despondency.

“Go for a walk for school pickup. You’ll feel better with fresh air and exercise.”

I would but you know, I have that thing, with my shoulders and my ankle. Also my hip. Most importantly, I have an allergic reaction thing to sweating. It’s just out of my control. Exercise is not meant for me.

“Drink more water. You shouldn’t be drinking alcohol.”

This statement certainly has merit. I don’t drink enough water. Last time I drank a glass of wine, my daughter made an observation. Pointing to the wine label, she exclaimed “Mummy, it says here that women with big tummies should NOT drink this!”

“I don’t think you need to eat that bag of chips.”

I feel it should be a major faux pas for partners to comment on snack habits. I’ve heard the late-night pantry door opening and the sound of bag crinkling. Pot calling the kettle black much?

Recently, an editor from an overseas online literary magazine commented on one of my blog posts and suggested I consider submitting my work for publication. At the time, I was hesitant to send anything. My last attempt at literary publication saw the obliteration of my confidence in writing due to the callous way in which one of the editors ripped my work to shreds. But my husband encouraged me to follow through with this submission.

“What have you got to lose?”

When the blog post was accepted for publication, I was ecstatic. I couldn’t believe that someone from around the world would come across my work and actually seek me out for publication. I didn’t think my writing was good enough. Instantly, I commented that perhaps they were short on submissions and I only got in to make up the numbers. My husband reprimanded me for such negativity.

“What does it matter how you got accepted? It’s pointless to ponder. You know you have gotten better each time you write.”

I let myself feel a little proud of the achievement. Unfortunately, there was a misunderstanding with requirements on work previously published on blogs and so the accepted blog post I submitted was withdrawn. To say I was disappointed is an understatement.

“What are you going to do about it?”

What can I do? It is what it is, right? Surely, now is the time I reach for the ice-cream tub and tuck in.

“Write another piece. Don’t sabotage yourself because you are afraid of failure and rejection.”

For someone who grew up feeling deep shame when I failed at something, it’s a difficult task to realign my thinking. The intensity of negative feelings like frustration, insecurities, defeat, anger, remorse and disappointment are unappealing to cope with, let alone shame thrown into the mix. But at some point in life, you have to make changes if you want to improve your quality of life and grow as a person.

So what can I do? Own my fear. Be conscious of my actions and efforts so not to sabotage myself. Believe in my self-worth and build a resilient me. Put my best foot foward and write a piece for submission! What have I got to lose?

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HOPPY TALES

Hi everyone! This post is somewhat different from my normal ramblings about my crazy life. It is a special collaboration with a few bloggers that I’m lucky enough to call friends, to create a short story.

Hoppy Tales is a special creation by myself and fellow bloggers: Bhagyashree from inkandthoughts.com and Jenny from ofprogressandpurpose.com

Does anyone else remember sending around a piece of paper and writing pass-along stories with your friends growing up? If you enjoyed it, we think you might enjoy this, too.

I was tagged by Greg with the climax part of the story and the theme of love and romance – both my jam, so I hope you enjoy my contribution!

The Tag:

Just as there are five parts in a traditional plot structure, we will have:

  1. An Introduction
  2. A Problem
  3. A Climax
  4. A Resolution
  5. A Conclusion
Original Image can be found here at: storyboardthat.com

You will be tagged to complete one of these five elements, along with given a theme (such as: beauty of simplicity, comedy, overcoming fear, love and romance, youth and beauty, coming of age, circle of life, friendship, empowerment).

The Rules:

  1. Provide a link back to the creators (Of Progress and PurposeKNJ Snippets & Tales, and Ink and Thoughts) so that we can see what you write!
  2. Share “The Tag” and “The Rules” to help eliminate confusion.
  3. Thank the person who tagged you and link back to their portion of the story.
  4. Write your element with 3-4 days and try to keep it to around 50-60 words.
  5. Choose one or more persons to continue the story and assign them a theme.
    • You may wish to let them know ahead of time in the comments, so that they can opt out if they don’t want to participate.
    • If you write a conclusion, whoever you tag will start a new story of their own.
    • If you tag more than one person, your readers will be able to choose their own adventure!
  6. Have fun with it! You are all so creative and inspiring, We can’t wait!

And so without further ado…

An Introduction: (by Jenny – link)

Kathy moved quickly, narrowly missing the rocks and roots scattered about the forest floor. A branch grazed her cheek once or twice, but she pressed most of them away with her free hand. In her remaining hand, she held fast to a new beginning, her heart beating nearly out of her chest. Hope bubbled inside her with each new step.

A Problem: (by Greg – link)

Kathy turned to look at a squirrel, taking her eyes off a branch that smacked her face a second later.  She screamed, falling to the ground and landing in bear droppings.  “Kathy?” a voice called.  Kathy blushed, mortified, seeing the handsome gentleman she had come to meet, the source of her new hope.  He had witnessed her moment of clumsiness.

A Climax: (by me!!)

Scrambling to right herself, Kathy brushed off the remnants of her folly. “You came,” she whispered, still clutching the half-broken locket. The man nodded, stepping closer until their bodies touched. Kathy trembled with anticipation as they connected their halves to completion. A blinding light burst from the heart locket and into the sky, creating an otherworldly glowing crescendo.

I’m tagging:

Pallavi from Curating Thoughts with the challenge of creating a resolution for the story using the theme of sacrifice. Good luck!

Happy reading and writing fellow bloggers! x Kathy